Officially almost one third of my first semester gone, and I absolutely love Anderson University. Every day I am astounded by the opportunity, relational atmosphere, and the pure presence of God. My classes are difficult, but I am learning. Can you believe that? I've never felt like I really was educated at school before college; now I constantly am seeking real-world applications to the knowledge I've gained. Right now, my major is elementary education. I was iffy about that beginning around mid-May of this year. I feared teaching would become dull, I wouldn't be able to find a job, or that I would be in debt for the rest of my life. I really felt led to convert to a business major with a minor in not-for-profit leadership, basically because of the passion I've always had for The Boys & Girls Club of Noblesville. I knew that wouldn't provide heaps of cash, but I have never wanted that for myself. It would be much easier to find a job, and I would be serving the people I love. So my plan of attack was to take a semester of Education, just to test the waters, but I would add one course required for my business degree; and then I would switch my major at semester. Funny how things never go the way you plan them isn't it?
I love my education classes. There is so much innovation, so much potential, and so many different aspects of education that I now doubt I could ever possibly become bored. I have a heart for children, but I'm not sure I have the patience or the positive attitude to have the kind of impact I want to on my potential students. And, matter of fact, that business class (granted it is math at 8am) is my least favorite course. So, I guess I still don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life, but I am fully expectant that whatever I decide upon will be where God wants me to be. Prayer and encouragement is always appreciated.
AU isn't just about academics, and I certainly haven't spent all my free time worrying about that. I've become such great friends with my roommate, which you would know if we talked at any point before school began. I had no idea we would ever become close; people on our floor are envious of our relationship! I've had a rough go-around the past few weeks and she was right by my side to drag me into my room for cheap thrills, to feed me Nutella, or to pet my head through all the tears. We respect our individual space, but also are open and willing to share with one another. I've also been so blessed to get to know a few girls on my floor. I can't even explain the laughs, the faces, or the joy that just beams from our new relationships. Slowly but surely I am coming to find that these are the friends I will have for the rest of my life. I've brought them home to Noblesville, to my home church, and even to my house- they are officially part of the family. Couldn't be more excited about that. God is so present in these relationships, in our conversations, and even in our challenging of one another. We hold each other accountable, encourage "real talk", and promote honesty which are such important qualities of a friendship. I've been blessed to spend time with people I wasn't friends with in high school but now also attend AU as well. You get the just of it; I am so grateful for every single one of my relationships here.
The most important relationship of my life is obviously the relationship I have with Jesus Christ. And let me tell ya, HIS PRESENCE IS LITERALLY FELT HERE EVERY DAY. You know how when you go to camp you are just so on fire and so passionate? That's my life now, permanent camp! My teachers pray in the classroom, I have assignments related to spirituality, my friends hold me accountable and challenge me, I attend focus group every week, there's a Genesis connection group, Monday nights there is worship in the valley, and chapel twice a week?! HOW AWESOME, RIGHT! Plus, church on Sundays, and my favorite part of Anderson- tenoseven.
I didn't make it to the first week of tenoseven, and I was hesitant about going this week. I'm so glad I did. For those who don't know, it's in the lobby of campus apartments and it is solid acoustic worship for an hour. Earlier this week God had put on my heart that my hot mess of a life right now is for my own good. That's hard for me to comprehend, and even harder for me to put my faith in. But then I came across Romans 8:28 which says "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." I'm no preacher so I won't unpack that, but I encourage you to spend some quiet time just reflecting on what that means and what that looks like for your life. I was so convicted that I ended up writing that on my wall where my eyes tend to fall when I first wake up or even when I get bored. Alongside that verse, Jesus Culture's song "One Thing Remains" was constantly on my mind and on my heart. Look up to the lyrics to that if you haven't heard it. I typed them out and hung them on my bulletin board, too. I wanted them to be in a visible place just as reminders and even encouragement to people walking into my room. So many awesome conversations came from those displays, and I have hope that the unspoken was even more powerful. Anyways, when we arrived at tenoseven I had no idea what to expect. Chapel that afternoon was based around restoration and had really moved my heart; I figured the two might be connected. It was exactly what I needed. The room was filled with a genuine group of students passionately worshiping the God they're pursuing with their whole lives. I've never been a part of anything like it. The voices in that room were louder than any church service or any youth retreat I'd ever been a part of. "One Thing Remains" and "Your Love Never Fails" were both played and I couldn't count how many times the praises
Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me
and
You make all things work together for my good
were repeated. My heart was so full! All the other songs were equally astounding and God was in that room, and I couldn't be more confident in that. Towards the end of the event they asked us to hold hands with those on our right and our left and pray for each other. I didn't know either hands holding mine, but we all were filled with the confidence to pray out loud for each other. They had no idea what was on my heart or what my life looked like, but God does and He heard my cries even though I wasn't expressing them. It was in that moment that I was hit with awe, pure and unashamed awe. The whispers of prayers across the room combined with the sound of voices raised confidently and beautifully to the God who loves us so passionately and intently changed me forever. And no, I'm not making this up. Gives me goosebumps to even talk about it.
I hope that wherever you are, whatever your life looks like, or whatever you are dealing with doesn't ever consume you so much that you forget the love of Our God. It is so great, bigger than anything you're struggling with, stronger than death, and more tangible that I ever imagined. I pray that God shows up for you and that you would have the courage and the wisdom to be strong men and women of God, and to follow through with whatever he's placed on your heart. Praying for you.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
sweetly broken
This is my first blog as an official college student! And my, my, my how things change when you're in college. Soooo I guess I'll give you the play-by-play of my Anderson University experience up to this point.....
Move in day was stress. Pure stress in the form of endless boxes and disappearing carpet space in my itty bitty dorm room. But we got through it, with some bickering, some laughter, and some Applebee's and Target trips, but we got through it. I didn't cry when my parents left. But when I found a folded note my mom had written me in my desk drawer, I was a blubbering mess. Haven't been able to read it all the way to this day. One really unique thing about AU is that our first weekend here is no free-time, wander around, party it up kind of atmosphere. We constantly had somewhere to be, some meeting to attend, or some service project to participate in. The benifit of that though was definite relationship building, further confidence that I knew my way around the campus, and I really got a sense of AU's mission. During my service project, we picked up trash, painted markings in the roads, mowed lawns, and had the opportunity to meet some people with awesome stories. I'll be real...while it was happening I was complaining out the wazoo. I got paint on my pants and I was tired and I had to touch disgusting things and it was so cold.....but looking back I feel like I grew so much in just the few hours we were out there. Is that weird? I've done service projects, but none in an area as desperate as the ghetto of Anderson. It tore me up. So, overall the weekend went pretty quickly. I love the girls on my floor and have really bonded with my roommate in ways I didn't even know I would. Rice Hall is good at giving me things to do so I'm not moping in my room, we went out for donughts in crazy outfits, had all-hall zumba, played Jack-in-the-Bush, go to dinner together, saw horrifying movies, make random shopping trips, have focus group, went to a square dance....etc etc.
So pause right there. When I came to college I was a girl emotionally involved in this "relationship" with a boy from last October. I have said time and time again that we were done, and I admit to that, but we were still involved. (RED FLAG NUMBER 1) I knew God did not want me to be in a relationship with this boy. He pushed my boundries, constantly fought with me, and was always absent when I needed him the most. So ladies, IF GOD IS TELLING YOU THAT HE HAS SOMEBODY ELSE FOR YOU TRUST HIM! DO NOT THINK GOD WILL JUST LET IT SLIDE! I won't go into extensive detail but the night after he showed up at my dorm with 3 dozen roses he left his facebook up on my computer. Obviously, I know I shouldn't have. but I did. and I am so thankful I did. It hurts to be cheated on, and it hurts even more to read the explicit details for yourself. And the funny part is that I knew. I knew in my heart that it wasn't genuine, but I shoved that aside. I knew in my heart that I wasn't being treated the right way and that this wasn't my fault like I was always told. Isn't it crazy how blind you can be without even realising it?
So right now I'm that girl with trust issues. I'm that girl who is the emotional hot mess. I'm that girl who is bitter towards any man unintentionally. I'm that girl with the scars from that relationship. I'm that girl who regrets. I've never been any of those things before, and I certainly don't want those things to last for long. But this is where it gets beautiful...
I have a God who takes all of that away. No matter how chipped, faded, or broken I am I AM LOVED BY THE CREATOR OF THIS WORLD! That is redemption! That is awesome! That is hope! That is joy! That is the biggest blessing.
I would appreciate prayers of patience, healing, forgivness, and just willingness to allow myself to be restored. Thanks for reading my emotional hot mess of a blog :-)
"Ephesians1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Move in day was stress. Pure stress in the form of endless boxes and disappearing carpet space in my itty bitty dorm room. But we got through it, with some bickering, some laughter, and some Applebee's and Target trips, but we got through it. I didn't cry when my parents left. But when I found a folded note my mom had written me in my desk drawer, I was a blubbering mess. Haven't been able to read it all the way to this day. One really unique thing about AU is that our first weekend here is no free-time, wander around, party it up kind of atmosphere. We constantly had somewhere to be, some meeting to attend, or some service project to participate in. The benifit of that though was definite relationship building, further confidence that I knew my way around the campus, and I really got a sense of AU's mission. During my service project, we picked up trash, painted markings in the roads, mowed lawns, and had the opportunity to meet some people with awesome stories. I'll be real...while it was happening I was complaining out the wazoo. I got paint on my pants and I was tired and I had to touch disgusting things and it was so cold.....but looking back I feel like I grew so much in just the few hours we were out there. Is that weird? I've done service projects, but none in an area as desperate as the ghetto of Anderson. It tore me up. So, overall the weekend went pretty quickly. I love the girls on my floor and have really bonded with my roommate in ways I didn't even know I would. Rice Hall is good at giving me things to do so I'm not moping in my room, we went out for donughts in crazy outfits, had all-hall zumba, played Jack-in-the-Bush, go to dinner together, saw horrifying movies, make random shopping trips, have focus group, went to a square dance....etc etc.
So pause right there. When I came to college I was a girl emotionally involved in this "relationship" with a boy from last October. I have said time and time again that we were done, and I admit to that, but we were still involved. (RED FLAG NUMBER 1) I knew God did not want me to be in a relationship with this boy. He pushed my boundries, constantly fought with me, and was always absent when I needed him the most. So ladies, IF GOD IS TELLING YOU THAT HE HAS SOMEBODY ELSE FOR YOU TRUST HIM! DO NOT THINK GOD WILL JUST LET IT SLIDE! I won't go into extensive detail but the night after he showed up at my dorm with 3 dozen roses he left his facebook up on my computer. Obviously, I know I shouldn't have. but I did. and I am so thankful I did. It hurts to be cheated on, and it hurts even more to read the explicit details for yourself. And the funny part is that I knew. I knew in my heart that it wasn't genuine, but I shoved that aside. I knew in my heart that I wasn't being treated the right way and that this wasn't my fault like I was always told. Isn't it crazy how blind you can be without even realising it?
So right now I'm that girl with trust issues. I'm that girl who is the emotional hot mess. I'm that girl who is bitter towards any man unintentionally. I'm that girl with the scars from that relationship. I'm that girl who regrets. I've never been any of those things before, and I certainly don't want those things to last for long. But this is where it gets beautiful...
I have a God who takes all of that away. No matter how chipped, faded, or broken I am I AM LOVED BY THE CREATOR OF THIS WORLD! That is redemption! That is awesome! That is hope! That is joy! That is the biggest blessing.
I would appreciate prayers of patience, healing, forgivness, and just willingness to allow myself to be restored. Thanks for reading my emotional hot mess of a blog :-)
"Ephesians1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
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