Well, today is the last day of my first Christmas break as a college student (still blows my mind so I have to keep saying it to make myself believe it). Over the past month, I've had the opportunity to do a lot of thinking, reading, and tv-watching. I've discovered that this year of my life has been FILLED with constant transition. I became an adult, graduated from high school, was involved in my first "serious" relationship, moved, and started college. Wow...that's a lot. Throughout all of these changes, I admit to relying on God for about....eh 30% of it. And by that I mean that I was confident that I was in the driver's seat and He was just a passenger. I had super great friends and family and I was going to be fine. I had that way wrong.
A few months after graduation, I realized how ridiculously futile everything was that I had held to such high esteem. My clothes didn't matter, homework assignments really ended up meaning nothing more than a letter, and my friendships were extremely shallow. I'm not saying these years aren't important or that I wasted time; I simply mean that high school is not as big of a deal as I thought.
Relationships, though, are a huge deal. Sure, I have friendships that do not revolve around Christ, but it's a whole new ball game when you are in a dating relationship not centered on the Word. I've blogged about it so many times because it's easy to blame the other person, and it's temporary relief to just throw down all this blame and not have to admit to my own wrongs. I've read a few things over break that have made me really do some introspective work about this; if there was a way for me to require all girls to read "Boundaries in Dating" and "Lady in Waiting", believe me, I would enforce that sucker ASAP. I've come to learn that my hesitation to let God rule my life is the cause of all this strife; I haven't allowed God to bring me to who he wants me to be with yet (no, I don't want to find this person right now, don't freak out). I now have all these issues with relationships because of my own flaws, but the good news is that all of these issues can be healed in time. I am trying to learn how to be patient and content but to also remain convicted. I'm on my way to figuring out what I want in whoever I end up with; who knew that would happen before I turned 100?!
I am so lucky to go to a school that supports this mindset. However, I'm learning that my motives for choosing Anderson University really revolved around laziness and taking the easy road. I know previous students and upperclassmen, so that was comforting. It's not far from home, so that was comforting. It's a Jesus school so I won't have to do much work on my own, so that was comforting. ICK! I NEVER WANT TO HAVE THAT MINDSET AGAIN! This semester I've felt so far from God, and I still struggle with recognizing and owning that as my own fault instead of my environment's. There is so much potential to serve God at AU, and this semester I'm determined to really take advantage of these opportunities because I genuinely want to- not because I am required or my friends are doing it.
I feel like these are all things I've talked about until I'm blue in the face, but they are the hard subjects that I have to keep mulling over so that I can process them. Missed you, dear blog!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Saturday, October 29, 2011
badabingbadaboom
New developments in the wondrous life of Emily Yarger:
1) I'm now planning on being an occupational therapist, just like my mom. For the past twelve years of my life I've been positive that this career would be the last possible thing I would ever consider. But, I feel like it's a great fit for my personality, my passions, and my strengths. If you don't know, occupational therapy basically revolves around the goal of improving the daily life of your patient. However, you accomplish this goal through the use of activities or "occupations", which actually simply look like play when done correctly. OT considers all aspects of their patients so I would have the opportunity to address physical, emotional, and mental health of my patients (wow, that sounds weird) instead of a few or just one. You can pretty much do this with any age group, but typically you either work with children, burn victims, people with disabilities, or the elderly. Obviously I love kids so that's where I would want to be. I haven't really decided if I would rather work with school-age children or kids under 3, like my mom. I'm more interested in the development of the latter group, but I really have a heart for little people (as in kids in school, not midgets). I could work in a school, for a company, or for myself. I like that. I pick my own schedule, and I choose how many patients I take on. I like that A LOT. There's all the planning, strategizing, and inventing of being a teacher while also bringing in the bank and under my wing rather than the government's. So basically I'm really content with this right now. I'll probably change my mind in a month but just be excited about it with me right now.
2)I'm not mad at my mom anymore. If you know me, you know my struggles with this for the past six years of my life. They've pretty much been the most traumatic part of my life up until now, actually. My mom has lupus, so she had to quit her job and pretty much her entire life too. She's always feeling crappy-fever, nausea, exhausted, all that jazz. It's really hard to watch your mom go from super active/engaged into this mess of sickness. I've held a lot of resentment against her; I pretty much convinced myself that lupus wasn't real and that she was faking it, at one point. It's so much easier to be angry than to accept God doing things in your life that you don't like. But, PRAISE GOD, I've had a bit of a wake-up call. We were assigned a concept essay in my English class and basically had to write about something we knew five pages about. The only thing I knew well was lupus, it's destruction, and how it affects everyone around it. Once I actually dug into lupus instead of being to upset and hurt to even accept it's reality, I figured out that it is much more awful than poor little me whose mom has to take naps to feel better. God completely changed my heart. This was all Him. I look forward to talking to my mom, and we actually are able to converse without fighting now. Sorry this is awful writing quality and choppy, but seriously this is a big deal if you know me at all. So BOOM!
I thought I had more updates than that but I really don't. ........ ......
I love Anderson University. I'm so blessed by the friends I've made. I'm expectant and pumped for my life.
Dueces.
1) I'm now planning on being an occupational therapist, just like my mom. For the past twelve years of my life I've been positive that this career would be the last possible thing I would ever consider. But, I feel like it's a great fit for my personality, my passions, and my strengths. If you don't know, occupational therapy basically revolves around the goal of improving the daily life of your patient. However, you accomplish this goal through the use of activities or "occupations", which actually simply look like play when done correctly. OT considers all aspects of their patients so I would have the opportunity to address physical, emotional, and mental health of my patients (wow, that sounds weird) instead of a few or just one. You can pretty much do this with any age group, but typically you either work with children, burn victims, people with disabilities, or the elderly. Obviously I love kids so that's where I would want to be. I haven't really decided if I would rather work with school-age children or kids under 3, like my mom. I'm more interested in the development of the latter group, but I really have a heart for little people (as in kids in school, not midgets). I could work in a school, for a company, or for myself. I like that. I pick my own schedule, and I choose how many patients I take on. I like that A LOT. There's all the planning, strategizing, and inventing of being a teacher while also bringing in the bank and under my wing rather than the government's. So basically I'm really content with this right now. I'll probably change my mind in a month but just be excited about it with me right now.
2)I'm not mad at my mom anymore. If you know me, you know my struggles with this for the past six years of my life. They've pretty much been the most traumatic part of my life up until now, actually. My mom has lupus, so she had to quit her job and pretty much her entire life too. She's always feeling crappy-fever, nausea, exhausted, all that jazz. It's really hard to watch your mom go from super active/engaged into this mess of sickness. I've held a lot of resentment against her; I pretty much convinced myself that lupus wasn't real and that she was faking it, at one point. It's so much easier to be angry than to accept God doing things in your life that you don't like. But, PRAISE GOD, I've had a bit of a wake-up call. We were assigned a concept essay in my English class and basically had to write about something we knew five pages about. The only thing I knew well was lupus, it's destruction, and how it affects everyone around it. Once I actually dug into lupus instead of being to upset and hurt to even accept it's reality, I figured out that it is much more awful than poor little me whose mom has to take naps to feel better. God completely changed my heart. This was all Him. I look forward to talking to my mom, and we actually are able to converse without fighting now. Sorry this is awful writing quality and choppy, but seriously this is a big deal if you know me at all. So BOOM!
I thought I had more updates than that but I really don't. ........ ......
I love Anderson University. I'm so blessed by the friends I've made. I'm expectant and pumped for my life.
Dueces.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Romans 8:28
Officially almost one third of my first semester gone, and I absolutely love Anderson University. Every day I am astounded by the opportunity, relational atmosphere, and the pure presence of God. My classes are difficult, but I am learning. Can you believe that? I've never felt like I really was educated at school before college; now I constantly am seeking real-world applications to the knowledge I've gained. Right now, my major is elementary education. I was iffy about that beginning around mid-May of this year. I feared teaching would become dull, I wouldn't be able to find a job, or that I would be in debt for the rest of my life. I really felt led to convert to a business major with a minor in not-for-profit leadership, basically because of the passion I've always had for The Boys & Girls Club of Noblesville. I knew that wouldn't provide heaps of cash, but I have never wanted that for myself. It would be much easier to find a job, and I would be serving the people I love. So my plan of attack was to take a semester of Education, just to test the waters, but I would add one course required for my business degree; and then I would switch my major at semester. Funny how things never go the way you plan them isn't it?
I love my education classes. There is so much innovation, so much potential, and so many different aspects of education that I now doubt I could ever possibly become bored. I have a heart for children, but I'm not sure I have the patience or the positive attitude to have the kind of impact I want to on my potential students. And, matter of fact, that business class (granted it is math at 8am) is my least favorite course. So, I guess I still don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life, but I am fully expectant that whatever I decide upon will be where God wants me to be. Prayer and encouragement is always appreciated.
AU isn't just about academics, and I certainly haven't spent all my free time worrying about that. I've become such great friends with my roommate, which you would know if we talked at any point before school began. I had no idea we would ever become close; people on our floor are envious of our relationship! I've had a rough go-around the past few weeks and she was right by my side to drag me into my room for cheap thrills, to feed me Nutella, or to pet my head through all the tears. We respect our individual space, but also are open and willing to share with one another. I've also been so blessed to get to know a few girls on my floor. I can't even explain the laughs, the faces, or the joy that just beams from our new relationships. Slowly but surely I am coming to find that these are the friends I will have for the rest of my life. I've brought them home to Noblesville, to my home church, and even to my house- they are officially part of the family. Couldn't be more excited about that. God is so present in these relationships, in our conversations, and even in our challenging of one another. We hold each other accountable, encourage "real talk", and promote honesty which are such important qualities of a friendship. I've been blessed to spend time with people I wasn't friends with in high school but now also attend AU as well. You get the just of it; I am so grateful for every single one of my relationships here.
The most important relationship of my life is obviously the relationship I have with Jesus Christ. And let me tell ya, HIS PRESENCE IS LITERALLY FELT HERE EVERY DAY. You know how when you go to camp you are just so on fire and so passionate? That's my life now, permanent camp! My teachers pray in the classroom, I have assignments related to spirituality, my friends hold me accountable and challenge me, I attend focus group every week, there's a Genesis connection group, Monday nights there is worship in the valley, and chapel twice a week?! HOW AWESOME, RIGHT! Plus, church on Sundays, and my favorite part of Anderson- tenoseven.
I didn't make it to the first week of tenoseven, and I was hesitant about going this week. I'm so glad I did. For those who don't know, it's in the lobby of campus apartments and it is solid acoustic worship for an hour. Earlier this week God had put on my heart that my hot mess of a life right now is for my own good. That's hard for me to comprehend, and even harder for me to put my faith in. But then I came across Romans 8:28 which says "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." I'm no preacher so I won't unpack that, but I encourage you to spend some quiet time just reflecting on what that means and what that looks like for your life. I was so convicted that I ended up writing that on my wall where my eyes tend to fall when I first wake up or even when I get bored. Alongside that verse, Jesus Culture's song "One Thing Remains" was constantly on my mind and on my heart. Look up to the lyrics to that if you haven't heard it. I typed them out and hung them on my bulletin board, too. I wanted them to be in a visible place just as reminders and even encouragement to people walking into my room. So many awesome conversations came from those displays, and I have hope that the unspoken was even more powerful. Anyways, when we arrived at tenoseven I had no idea what to expect. Chapel that afternoon was based around restoration and had really moved my heart; I figured the two might be connected. It was exactly what I needed. The room was filled with a genuine group of students passionately worshiping the God they're pursuing with their whole lives. I've never been a part of anything like it. The voices in that room were louder than any church service or any youth retreat I'd ever been a part of. "One Thing Remains" and "Your Love Never Fails" were both played and I couldn't count how many times the praises
Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me
and
You make all things work together for my good
were repeated. My heart was so full! All the other songs were equally astounding and God was in that room, and I couldn't be more confident in that. Towards the end of the event they asked us to hold hands with those on our right and our left and pray for each other. I didn't know either hands holding mine, but we all were filled with the confidence to pray out loud for each other. They had no idea what was on my heart or what my life looked like, but God does and He heard my cries even though I wasn't expressing them. It was in that moment that I was hit with awe, pure and unashamed awe. The whispers of prayers across the room combined with the sound of voices raised confidently and beautifully to the God who loves us so passionately and intently changed me forever. And no, I'm not making this up. Gives me goosebumps to even talk about it.
I hope that wherever you are, whatever your life looks like, or whatever you are dealing with doesn't ever consume you so much that you forget the love of Our God. It is so great, bigger than anything you're struggling with, stronger than death, and more tangible that I ever imagined. I pray that God shows up for you and that you would have the courage and the wisdom to be strong men and women of God, and to follow through with whatever he's placed on your heart. Praying for you.
I love my education classes. There is so much innovation, so much potential, and so many different aspects of education that I now doubt I could ever possibly become bored. I have a heart for children, but I'm not sure I have the patience or the positive attitude to have the kind of impact I want to on my potential students. And, matter of fact, that business class (granted it is math at 8am) is my least favorite course. So, I guess I still don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life, but I am fully expectant that whatever I decide upon will be where God wants me to be. Prayer and encouragement is always appreciated.
AU isn't just about academics, and I certainly haven't spent all my free time worrying about that. I've become such great friends with my roommate, which you would know if we talked at any point before school began. I had no idea we would ever become close; people on our floor are envious of our relationship! I've had a rough go-around the past few weeks and she was right by my side to drag me into my room for cheap thrills, to feed me Nutella, or to pet my head through all the tears. We respect our individual space, but also are open and willing to share with one another. I've also been so blessed to get to know a few girls on my floor. I can't even explain the laughs, the faces, or the joy that just beams from our new relationships. Slowly but surely I am coming to find that these are the friends I will have for the rest of my life. I've brought them home to Noblesville, to my home church, and even to my house- they are officially part of the family. Couldn't be more excited about that. God is so present in these relationships, in our conversations, and even in our challenging of one another. We hold each other accountable, encourage "real talk", and promote honesty which are such important qualities of a friendship. I've been blessed to spend time with people I wasn't friends with in high school but now also attend AU as well. You get the just of it; I am so grateful for every single one of my relationships here.
The most important relationship of my life is obviously the relationship I have with Jesus Christ. And let me tell ya, HIS PRESENCE IS LITERALLY FELT HERE EVERY DAY. You know how when you go to camp you are just so on fire and so passionate? That's my life now, permanent camp! My teachers pray in the classroom, I have assignments related to spirituality, my friends hold me accountable and challenge me, I attend focus group every week, there's a Genesis connection group, Monday nights there is worship in the valley, and chapel twice a week?! HOW AWESOME, RIGHT! Plus, church on Sundays, and my favorite part of Anderson- tenoseven.
I didn't make it to the first week of tenoseven, and I was hesitant about going this week. I'm so glad I did. For those who don't know, it's in the lobby of campus apartments and it is solid acoustic worship for an hour. Earlier this week God had put on my heart that my hot mess of a life right now is for my own good. That's hard for me to comprehend, and even harder for me to put my faith in. But then I came across Romans 8:28 which says "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." I'm no preacher so I won't unpack that, but I encourage you to spend some quiet time just reflecting on what that means and what that looks like for your life. I was so convicted that I ended up writing that on my wall where my eyes tend to fall when I first wake up or even when I get bored. Alongside that verse, Jesus Culture's song "One Thing Remains" was constantly on my mind and on my heart. Look up to the lyrics to that if you haven't heard it. I typed them out and hung them on my bulletin board, too. I wanted them to be in a visible place just as reminders and even encouragement to people walking into my room. So many awesome conversations came from those displays, and I have hope that the unspoken was even more powerful. Anyways, when we arrived at tenoseven I had no idea what to expect. Chapel that afternoon was based around restoration and had really moved my heart; I figured the two might be connected. It was exactly what I needed. The room was filled with a genuine group of students passionately worshiping the God they're pursuing with their whole lives. I've never been a part of anything like it. The voices in that room were louder than any church service or any youth retreat I'd ever been a part of. "One Thing Remains" and "Your Love Never Fails" were both played and I couldn't count how many times the praises
Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me
and
You make all things work together for my good
were repeated. My heart was so full! All the other songs were equally astounding and God was in that room, and I couldn't be more confident in that. Towards the end of the event they asked us to hold hands with those on our right and our left and pray for each other. I didn't know either hands holding mine, but we all were filled with the confidence to pray out loud for each other. They had no idea what was on my heart or what my life looked like, but God does and He heard my cries even though I wasn't expressing them. It was in that moment that I was hit with awe, pure and unashamed awe. The whispers of prayers across the room combined with the sound of voices raised confidently and beautifully to the God who loves us so passionately and intently changed me forever. And no, I'm not making this up. Gives me goosebumps to even talk about it.
I hope that wherever you are, whatever your life looks like, or whatever you are dealing with doesn't ever consume you so much that you forget the love of Our God. It is so great, bigger than anything you're struggling with, stronger than death, and more tangible that I ever imagined. I pray that God shows up for you and that you would have the courage and the wisdom to be strong men and women of God, and to follow through with whatever he's placed on your heart. Praying for you.
Friday, September 9, 2011
sweetly broken
This is my first blog as an official college student! And my, my, my how things change when you're in college. Soooo I guess I'll give you the play-by-play of my Anderson University experience up to this point.....
Move in day was stress. Pure stress in the form of endless boxes and disappearing carpet space in my itty bitty dorm room. But we got through it, with some bickering, some laughter, and some Applebee's and Target trips, but we got through it. I didn't cry when my parents left. But when I found a folded note my mom had written me in my desk drawer, I was a blubbering mess. Haven't been able to read it all the way to this day. One really unique thing about AU is that our first weekend here is no free-time, wander around, party it up kind of atmosphere. We constantly had somewhere to be, some meeting to attend, or some service project to participate in. The benifit of that though was definite relationship building, further confidence that I knew my way around the campus, and I really got a sense of AU's mission. During my service project, we picked up trash, painted markings in the roads, mowed lawns, and had the opportunity to meet some people with awesome stories. I'll be real...while it was happening I was complaining out the wazoo. I got paint on my pants and I was tired and I had to touch disgusting things and it was so cold.....but looking back I feel like I grew so much in just the few hours we were out there. Is that weird? I've done service projects, but none in an area as desperate as the ghetto of Anderson. It tore me up. So, overall the weekend went pretty quickly. I love the girls on my floor and have really bonded with my roommate in ways I didn't even know I would. Rice Hall is good at giving me things to do so I'm not moping in my room, we went out for donughts in crazy outfits, had all-hall zumba, played Jack-in-the-Bush, go to dinner together, saw horrifying movies, make random shopping trips, have focus group, went to a square dance....etc etc.
So pause right there. When I came to college I was a girl emotionally involved in this "relationship" with a boy from last October. I have said time and time again that we were done, and I admit to that, but we were still involved. (RED FLAG NUMBER 1) I knew God did not want me to be in a relationship with this boy. He pushed my boundries, constantly fought with me, and was always absent when I needed him the most. So ladies, IF GOD IS TELLING YOU THAT HE HAS SOMEBODY ELSE FOR YOU TRUST HIM! DO NOT THINK GOD WILL JUST LET IT SLIDE! I won't go into extensive detail but the night after he showed up at my dorm with 3 dozen roses he left his facebook up on my computer. Obviously, I know I shouldn't have. but I did. and I am so thankful I did. It hurts to be cheated on, and it hurts even more to read the explicit details for yourself. And the funny part is that I knew. I knew in my heart that it wasn't genuine, but I shoved that aside. I knew in my heart that I wasn't being treated the right way and that this wasn't my fault like I was always told. Isn't it crazy how blind you can be without even realising it?
So right now I'm that girl with trust issues. I'm that girl who is the emotional hot mess. I'm that girl who is bitter towards any man unintentionally. I'm that girl with the scars from that relationship. I'm that girl who regrets. I've never been any of those things before, and I certainly don't want those things to last for long. But this is where it gets beautiful...
I have a God who takes all of that away. No matter how chipped, faded, or broken I am I AM LOVED BY THE CREATOR OF THIS WORLD! That is redemption! That is awesome! That is hope! That is joy! That is the biggest blessing.
I would appreciate prayers of patience, healing, forgivness, and just willingness to allow myself to be restored. Thanks for reading my emotional hot mess of a blog :-)
"Ephesians1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Move in day was stress. Pure stress in the form of endless boxes and disappearing carpet space in my itty bitty dorm room. But we got through it, with some bickering, some laughter, and some Applebee's and Target trips, but we got through it. I didn't cry when my parents left. But when I found a folded note my mom had written me in my desk drawer, I was a blubbering mess. Haven't been able to read it all the way to this day. One really unique thing about AU is that our first weekend here is no free-time, wander around, party it up kind of atmosphere. We constantly had somewhere to be, some meeting to attend, or some service project to participate in. The benifit of that though was definite relationship building, further confidence that I knew my way around the campus, and I really got a sense of AU's mission. During my service project, we picked up trash, painted markings in the roads, mowed lawns, and had the opportunity to meet some people with awesome stories. I'll be real...while it was happening I was complaining out the wazoo. I got paint on my pants and I was tired and I had to touch disgusting things and it was so cold.....but looking back I feel like I grew so much in just the few hours we were out there. Is that weird? I've done service projects, but none in an area as desperate as the ghetto of Anderson. It tore me up. So, overall the weekend went pretty quickly. I love the girls on my floor and have really bonded with my roommate in ways I didn't even know I would. Rice Hall is good at giving me things to do so I'm not moping in my room, we went out for donughts in crazy outfits, had all-hall zumba, played Jack-in-the-Bush, go to dinner together, saw horrifying movies, make random shopping trips, have focus group, went to a square dance....etc etc.
So pause right there. When I came to college I was a girl emotionally involved in this "relationship" with a boy from last October. I have said time and time again that we were done, and I admit to that, but we were still involved. (RED FLAG NUMBER 1) I knew God did not want me to be in a relationship with this boy. He pushed my boundries, constantly fought with me, and was always absent when I needed him the most. So ladies, IF GOD IS TELLING YOU THAT HE HAS SOMEBODY ELSE FOR YOU TRUST HIM! DO NOT THINK GOD WILL JUST LET IT SLIDE! I won't go into extensive detail but the night after he showed up at my dorm with 3 dozen roses he left his facebook up on my computer. Obviously, I know I shouldn't have. but I did. and I am so thankful I did. It hurts to be cheated on, and it hurts even more to read the explicit details for yourself. And the funny part is that I knew. I knew in my heart that it wasn't genuine, but I shoved that aside. I knew in my heart that I wasn't being treated the right way and that this wasn't my fault like I was always told. Isn't it crazy how blind you can be without even realising it?
So right now I'm that girl with trust issues. I'm that girl who is the emotional hot mess. I'm that girl who is bitter towards any man unintentionally. I'm that girl with the scars from that relationship. I'm that girl who regrets. I've never been any of those things before, and I certainly don't want those things to last for long. But this is where it gets beautiful...
I have a God who takes all of that away. No matter how chipped, faded, or broken I am I AM LOVED BY THE CREATOR OF THIS WORLD! That is redemption! That is awesome! That is hope! That is joy! That is the biggest blessing.
I would appreciate prayers of patience, healing, forgivness, and just willingness to allow myself to be restored. Thanks for reading my emotional hot mess of a blog :-)
"Ephesians1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Thursday, August 11, 2011
If I could actually articulate my feelings....
The words I would use would be nearly identical to these. Crazy how emotionally involved you can be with just silly little words, but John Mayer's "Stop This Train" says it all.
No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train
Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train
So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train
See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.
Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train
Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train
So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train
See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.
Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train
Think I got 'em now
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Renewal
Finally, a new blog!
Let me tell you, I have learned a lot since December 10, 2010 (aka last blog post). And praise God for that. but, I'm not really sure where to start with this. July 10th was a super awesome day for me....I got baptized by one of my most admired spiritual leaders, Steve! Beforehand I was TERRIFIED, how silly right? I think I was just nervous for all the people and I think that was the enemy's way of creepin on into that experience. When I said terrified I mean like almost backed out. BUT I OVERCAME!
That single moment of my life was the first personal, 100% genuine encounter with God I have ever experienced. Even hearing the words "dead to sin" when I was emersed under the water and then the proclamation that I was "alive in Christ!" seemed like it was straight out of a movie....slow motion and with an awesome light show/getting it together pop song in the background (fyi it was just in my head not in real life). In that moment I knew I was forgiven and I was loved and I was planned and I was important. And although I'd experienced all those feelings seperately and generally more than once, nothing will ever top that experience. like ... cannot even compare! That was grace. that was love. that was PEACE! I could talk about it for hours and you still won't be able to comprehend the awesomeness. so I'll stop myself now.
In that peace though, there was still a call to action. and I think that is so significant. I think sometimes it's so easy to use god as an excuse to stop doing hard things, or to just stop doing in general. but after this experience i've realised that the closer you are to god, the more he puts on your heart. and that's tough. but so encouraging! the creator of the UNIVERSE wants ME to DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT??? just blows me away.
and when i say do something i don't necescarily mean solve world hunger, even though that would be great. i mean do something as in intentionally perform some action to honor god. i didn't have to look too far to find what that looked like for me. i needed to get out of this sin-soaked relationship. (don't think i'm super sketch) so i did it. and it hurt, and it still stings and i'm still sad and i still wish it didn't have to be that way. but the beauty is that I AM CONFIDENT for the first time in my whole life that god wants me to do this. so i'mmma do it, darn it! ask anyone close to me...i wouldn't have the strength to do that before being welcomed into the Kingdom on July 10th in the middle of Forrest Park. I have a story now! I can identify when I chose to follow christ and how that changed my life and how glorious god is! and even though that requires this struggle, I'm lovin every second of this growth.
speakin of struggle...I'm leaving for college soon. and recently i've just been feeling crazy crazy craaaaazy overwhelmed. and over the silliest things....like what if i need a cough drop and i won't have one? or what if i have no job and i loose my room key so i can't get in my dorm? or what if i don't like my bath caddy? HOW RIDICULOUS RIGHT!? but some fears are legitimate. the whole new friends thing is super exciting...but also extremely terrifying. and i'm not living with my parents? hellllloooo who will do my laundry? and clean up my messes? i'm just afraid to be an adult, or to step out of my comfort zone I guess. but you know, i will be fine. and i will love Anderson University. and I will grow! and this is gonna be a great four years! so thank you friends for your support, for your overlooking of my poor spelling and grammar within this, for letting me rant, and for being who you are, really. Blessings!
Let me tell you, I have learned a lot since December 10, 2010 (aka last blog post). And praise God for that. but, I'm not really sure where to start with this. July 10th was a super awesome day for me....I got baptized by one of my most admired spiritual leaders, Steve! Beforehand I was TERRIFIED, how silly right? I think I was just nervous for all the people and I think that was the enemy's way of creepin on into that experience. When I said terrified I mean like almost backed out. BUT I OVERCAME!
That single moment of my life was the first personal, 100% genuine encounter with God I have ever experienced. Even hearing the words "dead to sin" when I was emersed under the water and then the proclamation that I was "alive in Christ!" seemed like it was straight out of a movie....slow motion and with an awesome light show/getting it together pop song in the background (fyi it was just in my head not in real life). In that moment I knew I was forgiven and I was loved and I was planned and I was important. And although I'd experienced all those feelings seperately and generally more than once, nothing will ever top that experience. like ... cannot even compare! That was grace. that was love. that was PEACE! I could talk about it for hours and you still won't be able to comprehend the awesomeness. so I'll stop myself now.
In that peace though, there was still a call to action. and I think that is so significant. I think sometimes it's so easy to use god as an excuse to stop doing hard things, or to just stop doing in general. but after this experience i've realised that the closer you are to god, the more he puts on your heart. and that's tough. but so encouraging! the creator of the UNIVERSE wants ME to DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT??? just blows me away.
and when i say do something i don't necescarily mean solve world hunger, even though that would be great. i mean do something as in intentionally perform some action to honor god. i didn't have to look too far to find what that looked like for me. i needed to get out of this sin-soaked relationship. (don't think i'm super sketch) so i did it. and it hurt, and it still stings and i'm still sad and i still wish it didn't have to be that way. but the beauty is that I AM CONFIDENT for the first time in my whole life that god wants me to do this. so i'mmma do it, darn it! ask anyone close to me...i wouldn't have the strength to do that before being welcomed into the Kingdom on July 10th in the middle of Forrest Park. I have a story now! I can identify when I chose to follow christ and how that changed my life and how glorious god is! and even though that requires this struggle, I'm lovin every second of this growth.
speakin of struggle...I'm leaving for college soon. and recently i've just been feeling crazy crazy craaaaazy overwhelmed. and over the silliest things....like what if i need a cough drop and i won't have one? or what if i have no job and i loose my room key so i can't get in my dorm? or what if i don't like my bath caddy? HOW RIDICULOUS RIGHT!? but some fears are legitimate. the whole new friends thing is super exciting...but also extremely terrifying. and i'm not living with my parents? hellllloooo who will do my laundry? and clean up my messes? i'm just afraid to be an adult, or to step out of my comfort zone I guess. but you know, i will be fine. and i will love Anderson University. and I will grow! and this is gonna be a great four years! so thank you friends for your support, for your overlooking of my poor spelling and grammar within this, for letting me rant, and for being who you are, really. Blessings!
Friday, December 10, 2010
CHRISTMAS IS COMING!
click click click did you those raindeer hooves!??!
List O Gifts
1.Cheetah Sperrys, another pair of Uggs. don't judge me.
2.Music: , Tenth Avenue North-Over and Underneath, Jon Foreman (any and ALL), Ke$ha, Rhiana, P!nk, Chris Tomlin-And If our god is for us..., Hillsong United (any and ALL), The Avett Brothers (any and ALL), Dave Mathews Band (any and ALL), Matt Costa (any and ALL), Trey Songz-Passion, Pain, and Pleasure, Copeland (any and ALL), Beyonce or Jay-Z....or all of the above
3.Books: ANYTHING touched/breathed on by Erwin Raphael McManus or Rob Bell or Shane Claiborne
Eat Pray Love, Dantes Inferno (preferably Chiardi version or some nice illustrated one...google it.), barnes and noble classics I don't already have (preferably jane auston, paradisio, and purgatorio), The gospel according to coco channel, anything astrology/zodiac garb, LOL GOOGLE "I HATE EVERYTHING" by Michael Dibenedetti
4. Movies: INCEPTION, jackass 3..if it's out, strait to dvd w/ all time low
5.COOL STUFF:
-electric blanket
-hippo shower cap
-see attached two pages
-sweet jewelry/hair stuff
6.QUALITY JEANS
-AKA from fossil, joe's brand a la macy's, or miss me's, silver jeans cheapest @ von maur
7.Ipod speakers
8.nice journal
9.legit painting stuff
10.cupcakes
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