sweetly broken

This is my first blog as an official college student! And my, my, my how things change when you're in college. Soooo I guess I'll give you the play-by-play of my Anderson University experience up to this point.....
Move in day was stress. Pure stress in the form of endless boxes and disappearing carpet space in my itty bitty dorm room. But we got through it, with some bickering, some laughter, and some Applebee's and Target trips, but we got through it. I didn't cry when my parents left. But when I found a folded note my mom had written me in my desk drawer, I was a blubbering mess. Haven't been able to read it all the way to this day. One really unique thing about AU is that our first weekend here is no free-time, wander around, party it up kind of atmosphere. We constantly had somewhere to be, some meeting to attend, or some service project to participate in. The benifit of that though was definite relationship building, further confidence that I knew my way around the campus, and I really got a sense of AU's mission. During my service project, we picked up trash, painted markings in the roads, mowed lawns, and had the opportunity to meet some people with awesome stories. I'll be real...while it was happening I was complaining out the wazoo. I got paint on my pants and I was tired and I had to touch disgusting things and it was so cold.....but looking back I feel like I grew so much in just the few hours we were out there. Is that weird? I've done service projects, but none in an area as desperate as the ghetto of Anderson. It tore me up. So, overall the weekend went pretty quickly. I love the girls on my floor and have really bonded with my roommate in ways I didn't even know I would. Rice Hall is good at giving me things to do so I'm not moping in my room, we went out for donughts in crazy outfits, had all-hall zumba, played Jack-in-the-Bush, go to dinner together, saw horrifying movies, make random shopping trips, have focus group, went to a square dance....etc etc.
So pause right there. When I came to college I was a girl emotionally involved in this "relationship" with a boy from last October. I have said time and time again that we were done, and I admit to that, but we were still involved. (RED FLAG NUMBER 1) I knew God did not want me to be in a relationship with this boy. He pushed my boundries, constantly fought with me, and was always absent when I needed him the most. So ladies, IF GOD IS TELLING YOU THAT HE HAS SOMEBODY ELSE FOR YOU TRUST HIM! DO NOT THINK GOD WILL JUST LET IT SLIDE! I won't go into extensive detail but the night after he showed up at my dorm with 3 dozen roses he left his facebook up on my computer. Obviously, I know I shouldn't have. but I did. and I am so thankful I did. It hurts to be cheated on, and it hurts even more to read the explicit details for yourself. And the funny part is that I knew. I knew in my heart that it wasn't genuine, but I shoved that aside. I knew in my heart that I wasn't being treated the right way and that this wasn't my fault like I was always told. Isn't it crazy how blind you can be without even realising it?
So right now I'm that girl with trust issues. I'm that girl who is the emotional hot mess. I'm that girl who is bitter towards any man unintentionally. I'm that girl with the scars from that relationship. I'm that girl who regrets. I've never been any of those things before, and I certainly don't want those things to last for long. But this is where it gets beautiful...
I have a God who takes all of that away. No matter how chipped, faded, or broken I am I AM LOVED BY THE CREATOR OF THIS WORLD! That is redemption! That is awesome! That is hope! That is joy! That is the biggest blessing.
I would appreciate prayers of patience, healing, forgivness, and just willingness to allow myself to be restored. Thanks for reading my emotional hot mess of a blog :-)


^"Ephesians1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, ² in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. ³ All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh^[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. ⁴ But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. ⁶ And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."